A Hypothetical Interview w/Vince McMahon

I will like to take this as a chance to promote my new website Harshside.com, otherwise this is my way of typing up homework without at Affina blocking my communications with my home computer.

I figure this may interest a few of my wrestling friends, so feel free to read.

It is my pleasure to welcome WWE Chairman of the Board of Directors, Vince McMahon, who is just a week removed from the annual "Super Bowl" of wrestling, Wrestlemania 26. At the event, he met the challege of Hall of Famer, Bret "Hitman" Hart, and to say the least, the results were not what he desired.

1) How are you doing after the relentless beatdown you suffered at Wrestlemania?
a) This was not your first battle with a younger combatant, but why was this defeat so one sided when other matches you've been involved with featured your opponents needing to use ladders, chairs and other foreign objects to defeat you?
b) Throughout your 13 year feud with the Hitman, your trademark quote was "Bret Screwed Bret." After your match last Sunday, do you believe you've been "screwed"?

Read the rest of this blog at MainEventoftheDead.com and feel free to inquire about getting a copy of my Zombie-Comedy, Pro-Wrestling script.

War Criminals vs. Pedophiles

So...the editors at the Harbinger, Illinois Central College's newspaper, expects their contributing clolumnist to walk by their office that is two stories above the only class he's attending this semester. It's funny because he's only had to enter the office once in his three semesters of contributing.

Enough of this 3rd Person bullocks, makes me feel like those right wing twats who were offended at my "Destroy Popular Culture, Rebuild, Repeat" shirt...at a strip club. Did one of the girls pay them off just, so I'd plead for one of them to take me back for a dance?

The editor had told me, if they could pay me for my reviews and my opinion pieces, they would. Personally, I like not having the hastles of showing up to meetings, and if that cost me a few bucks, that no big deal. All I expect is an e-mail telling me when I have to get my shit finished.

Maybe it just slipped their mind, maybe the A&E editor saw a flick and wants my space, or the editor-in-chief didn't like Ghosting my last opinion piece. Whatever the reason, I feel a little put out by a newspaper that hardly updates its website.

Yes, I guess I maybe taking the inevitable "sorry, we were so busy e-mail" to hard, but I have an ego, and when I don't do too many things well, failing to get published hurts.

After receiving the e-mail, it was a reality check. The staff simply had college things to do, the stuff that will further careers. Writing for a college newspaper is kind of a secondary thing in comparison. Like it or not, that is pretty accurate.

C'est la vie, I guess. With a Polanski movie review, that seems appropriate. As long as my works weren't published for making an observation about pedophilia in this critique, everything will work out fine. I bought a domain for a reason right?

Check out the review at my new website Harshside.com - Satire, Movies, and Anarchy

Super Pets, Adultery, and Capitalism: Pick the Good one

So, I finally have a short little satirical bit that doesn't need much development. Writing opinion pieces for the Harbinger (http://iccharbinger.com) and figuring out how to tone them down in terms of cynicism may have hindered my ridiculous nature.

If adultery, Facebook apps, and corporate America doesn't get me back on track this year, what will.

Yes, I use Zoosk, the flirtation app. It only made sense because besides for classmates, what dude do I want to know who haven't written a classic motion picture? If you're not auctioning something on E-Bay or you don't have a Super Pet, I will not let you turn my profile into a sausage-fest.

I'm aware of the sexual hypocrisy. Straight dude's can't cute apps, whey they can play glorified MUDS with trendy topics. This isn't really about being straight or queer, it's just an unwillingness to be imaginative by the only demographic that matters. Show a little bit of creativity, and they lump you with Oscar Wilde or Aaron Schock.

That is probably why the application let you purchase clothing for your fur-ball that no queer would where. To make sure they can broaden their audience and find a sure fire way to make extra money using corporate sponsorship. If using an app that lets you socialize with lonely girls wasn't reason enough to get a virtual hopping cactus?

Also makes me wonder why Zoosk doesn't have a corporate sponsors. You can buy gifts for those you are flirting with. For one dollar you can send a girl a virtual love note. So??? Isn't it more romantic to say, "I can't buy you a Prada bag, but I definitely would if I could afford to?"

Super Pets can be dressed up in NBA, Snoop or Paris Hilton clothes. Not to say I want a Hilton tie in to this site, but does Commercial America dare not delve into flirting?

Judging how Tiger Woods is being treated, I guess not.

Check out the rest of this blog at "Main Event of the Dead.com and let me know if my satire and movie knowledge should produce a Pro-Wrestling Zombie movie.

Why are Chicago Sports Fans Restricted to Hoping?

It isn't the complete and elegantly cleaned up ICC newspaper version of my story, but since it is still relevant, and needs a larger audience (read Heather McGraw's Holiday article at http://iccharbinger.com as support for this statement) I'm posting it here.

In the past Harbinger issue, an opinion peace was printed about how sad a year it was for baseball in the Windy City. This piece may have been a prime example of why Chicago franchise fans are considered losers because nothing happened that was worth crying about.

The White Sox? Did anyone believe they were going to the playoffs before the season began? It was the Minnesota Twins and the Cleveland Indians who were predicted to win the American League Central by most of Sports Illustrated’s writers, and the prior season saw them go to a one game playoff for the Central Division championship. Southside fans should be proud that they at least got to see their pitcher Mark Buehrle throw a perfect game. The Pale Hose had a reason for all of baseball to pay attention to them beside the obscenity laced rants of their crazed manager Ozzie Guillen. Should that not be considered an accomplishment, to make people regret not spending a day at the wretched “Cell”?

Read the conclusion of this blog at MainEventoftheDead.com and tell me if my opinionated nature can carry over into Pro-Wrestling and Zombie B-Movies. 

Hope = Death, a bleak observation

The problem with last night's blog was that it was too repetitive. A struggle to figure out what more can be said about how shitty my existence is. After plenty of calling God a sadistic bastard and thoughts to Frank Miller's "Sin City," I think I may have received a divine answer.

It doesn't get that douche bag Iehova off the shit list, but it is a lesson that I think all should learn and the sooner the better.

Check out this blog at http://headtrip309.blogspot.com