Showing posts with label Illinois. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Illinois. Show all posts

Friday, August 14, 2009

Smoke on this Illinois

To call me a cynic would be redundant. With that being my nature, I'm indeed skeptical about the health risk of second hand smoke.

The smog clouds in LA and Mexico City are not caused by people lighting up tobacco products. It is from industrial pollution, motor vehicles, and quite possibly the Mexican community lighting their farts.

Hey, if I was part of the Hispanic race which is associated with excessive flatulence, I know that's what I'd be doing. That's what I'd think about so called patriots and their illegal border patrol.
Of course, the Lady Liberty only wants the hungry, weak, and huddled masses. She says nothing about the gassy.

Discussing farts brings me to the main point of my argument. I have yet to see a cigarette set off a Carbon Monoxide monitor.

On two separate occasions, after eating two pounds of Gardner's mild wings, my brother's unconscious farting set off our house's CO detector. He may have been twelve years-old at the time.
Until I heard the beeps, I was in a deep sleep of rare occurrence. Perhaps the fumes were consuming me. My brother did not wake to the noise, so he may have been near death. If it was not for me rushing to our bedroom door to release the gas, it may have resulted in his demise. I cannot help but wonder what kind of danger we would have faced if he had a tongue for spicier foods.

Now that we established that cigarettes are truly only dangerous to the user, why must we have a smoke-free Illinois?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Just give me the law degree.

Hopefully, my anger at these ridiculous ads by the State of IL will lead me to rant on about more thinks that piss me off. It's kind of my thing.

If you live Illinois (or for those depending on Moline for your local television...one of the mockings of Iowa I'd been holding back on), you have probably seen or heard the "Loser DUI" ads. I'm not overly pissed at the TV ads because, I cannot piss on the art of implication, but this sound bite from the radio ad makes me want to scream for the ACLU to do something about it..

"If you get a DUI, you might as well have a big tattoo of the word loser on your forehead...We can't hire that loser.".

Read the rest of this blog at Main Event of the Dead dot Com and determine if my experiences, satires and movie knowledge makes a great base to produce a Pro-Wrestling Zombie Comedy B-Movie.